I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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