so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
