I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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