i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
40s are totally the cure
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
