just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
