drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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