her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
