I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
