dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
