I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
