He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
