Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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