I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
