we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
