I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize