yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
