he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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