Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
