i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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