FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
