You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's blow job season.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
