My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
