I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
