Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
