Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
