i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
