awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
