woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
