So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
