u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
