That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
