You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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