i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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