haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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