I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to align my fucking chakras
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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