This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
