On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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