worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
