Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her vagine was all disorganized.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
