We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize