dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
