Cold hands, warm shart.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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