the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
