yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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