Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
