im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
