Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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