My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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