also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
