My first STD was from a foam party
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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