hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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