I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
