I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need water and some morals
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
