How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
