What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
