When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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