Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
