My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
