I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
