My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize