Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
