peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
