So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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