Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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