happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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