After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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