Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
