I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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