Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize