Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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