Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
