Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize