Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
