Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think i have two assholes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
