DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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