i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
