You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
