I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize