His pubic hair was longer than his dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
