she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize